What it looks like

Sound familiar?  These are just some of the rationalizations people use when they realize that their sexual behavior is causing problems, but they are unwilling or unable to bring it under control.  These rationalizations can persist for years, enabling the behavior as it intensifies.

Then, one day, something happens that breaks through the denial.  A spouse discovers an infidelity or threatens divorce.  A family member stumbles across messages or pictures on a phone. The HR department issues a warning, or you’re fired.  A lover’s spouse leaves a threatening message.  The game is over and serious consequences are unfolding.  It’s time to get help.

Compulsive sexual behavior (sometimes called “sex addiction” or “sex and love addiction”) affects people of all walks of life and takes many forms.  Some of the most common behaviors people struggle with include:

• Pornography
• Masturbation
• Dating sites
• Casual/anonymous sex
• Infidelity
• Strip clubs
• Massage parlors
• Prostitutes/escorts
• A preoccupation with the pursuit of sexual or romantic liaisons
• Escape into fantasy
• Extreme dependency on a romantic partner (or series of partners)

People seek help when their sexual behavior has caused or threatens to cause major problems in their lives, yet they find that they cannot control that behavior on their own.

Some common consequences of this behavior include:

• Damage to intimate and family relationships
• Divorce
• Loss of employment
• Arrest, prosecution, incarceration
• Sexual harassment claims, legal judgments
• Financial costs
• Sex offender registration
• Shame and public humiliation
• Loss of integrity, lying
• Social isolation
• Sexually transmitted diseases
• Impotence
• Troubling sexual fantasies or arousal triggers
• Insomnia
• Abortion
• Risk of assault, theft, blackmail, death
• Suicide

The key issue is not the specific behavior that someone engages in, or which consequences are at hand.  The issue is: who has control in the long run – the person, or the urge to engage in the behavior? If you’re ready to do what it takes to get your life back on track, make an appointment now.  I can help.

Where’s the line?  How much porn use is too much?  Is everyone that has an affair, or watches pornography, or goes to a strip club, a “sex addict”?

There are many reasons that people engage in secretive sexual behavior, and not everyone who does so on occasion needs help to change.  At Congruence, I can provide an assessment based on each individual’s pattern of behavior to determine whether focused treatment would be helpful, and the level of care that might be most appropriate (inpatient, outpatient, self-help, etc.).